I’ve spent a lot of time thinking. So much time that I miss out on actually doing things. I can’t help it. I’ve always been a thinker. I don’t do much with my thoughts. Occasionally I write them down if they get too much but for the most part, I spend a lot of time wandering through corridors, opening and closing doors, and staring out imaginary windows. I’m a dreamer.

Lately though, I’ve been thinking about turning some of those dreams into reality. The thing is, I don’t know which one to choose. I float aimlessly from thought to thought without really caring too much about what it means. I recently realised that I do this in real life too. I walk around hoping to find something, something meaningful, something worthwhile, anything that could make my journey through life clearer or if I’m feeling optimistic, add purpose to it. So far, I haven’t found anything.

I’ve been trying to find meaning in my life for a long time. At the moment, I’m going through the motions. Each step I take, I hope to get closer to my true ‘calling,’ but no matter how hard I look, the path becomes windier and more overgrown that I lose track of where it leads.

I try to find inspiration by watching videos, listening to what other people have to say, reading, and looking up into the sky. Strange as it may sound, looking up makes everything feel small and insignificant, and I feel calm. Cloudy days, sunny days, it doesn’t matter. As long as I can look up into the sky, I’ll know that at the very least, I’m trying.

Sometimes I wish I had a passion for something. No, I wish I had a passion.

Maybe life wouldn’t seem so scary if I actually knew what I was doing.


2 thoughts on “Musings

  1. You are not alone in the search for meaning. After almost 70 years walking down life’s road just when I think I am on the right path it ends. Could it be the journey itself and all that we encounter is our purpose in life?


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